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A Messy Divorce with the Abuser

I thought I was done when the divorce was over. I thought that would be my ending and I would never have to see the Abuser again. Yeah right. Not if you have children together.  The story isn’t over when the Judge says “I grant the Judgement of Divorce.”  Yeah, that’s what they call it – a Judgement. Very strange. And you have to bring a certified copy of the marriage certificate too.  And witnesses. And if you can afford it, a lawyer.

I started out Pro-se, doing my own thing, as the Abuser said he would not contest it. Guess what? After filing all that paperwork and running  copies around for 6 months, we got to the hearing and he said, “I changed my mind, I am going to contest it.” I think he just liked to see me sweat.  So he got a lawyer, and then I had to get a lawyer, and of course then the kids get a lawyer.  What a mess.  It took like 2 years for my ordeal.

I remember they send you to a counselor first.  That was a joke.  At this point I had my own place with the kids and I had a restraining order against him.  And a journal full of all of the times he did not follow the order.  Guess Abusers don’t like following the rules. Truthfully, the Counselor kicked him out of the office.  He started berating me and yelling at me in front of him.

Here is a great article about what happens on D-Day. That’s what I called it. The day that things blew up!

The Divorce Hearing 

 

Life Lessons Learned in  Divorce Court

1.  Just because it’s true doesn’t mean you can prove it.

Can I tell you my first husband went and slept with my best friend at the time. All so she would not testify against him at our divorce hearing. Who I thought was a friend turned out to be an enemy. She testified against me. She was not my friend.  She tried to friend me on Facebook and I said no. Betrayal is betrayal.

Abusers isolate you from your friends and family. There may only be one or two people in your life who really know what is going on. The Abuser is a Predator. When you turn against him, he will turn against you. Expect it. He will go for “blood”.

 

2.  Judges don’t like drama.

Just because the Abuser lives and thrives on dram doesn’t men the Judge is going to believe it.  Most times there are NO witnesses for the Domestic Abuse. It really is your word against his. And he will have a team of witnesses against you. Expect it.

 

3.  He will lie.

This was a hard one for me. I thought I would tell the truth and the Abuser would too. But he doesn’t know what truth is. He will lie. Expect it. Be ready for it. The story he will spin will be another yarn you haven’t heard. The lies are never ending. It is what he does.  It is who he is.

 

4.  There will be an excuse.

The Abuser always has an excuse for his behavior. He does not see himself as responsible. There will be some down out long story as to why he did what he did. And it is a lie as well.

 

5.  It will always be someone else’s fault.

Abusers are experts at shifting the blame. They never take responsibility – for anything. It is always your fault. They will always point the finger. It is wht they do to hide.

 

6.  He will Always Use the Kids as Pawns.

Your children are play pieces in his master game. The are pawns in his eyes. He does not love them anymore than he doesn’t love you. He does not know what love is. He is a Narcissist. It is all about him. He will continue to use the children as pieces of a game – to get back at you. He will spoil them. He will buy them thing, just to play SuperDad. It is a lie. He is using them just like he used you. Don’t believe it.

Source: http://www.citifmonline.com/2014/04/04/four-ways-to-cope-with-divorce-without-going-numb/

Source: http://www.citifmonline.com/2014/04/04/four-ways-to-cope-with-divorce-without-going-numb/

 

And here is a song I wrote about divorce – guess I had to get the negative feelings out. It is a rather ‘sarcastic’ song, lol! Click on the title to hear it.

 

HAPPILY EVER AFTER


© 2013 Diana Rasmussen

V1
There’s an empty box of Kleenex, she cries out in fear.
She stands in disbelief, realizing he’s not there.
20 years of marriage, flushed down the drain.
He met up with someone else, as she stands numb with pain.

CHORUS
No more Prince Charming, Snow White will not wake up.
Cinderella’s slipper is smashed, it’s a quarter to twelve.
Little Red Riding Hood got eaten by the wolf,
3 Little Pigs are homeless now, Goldilocks met her end.
Happily Ever After is just a fairy tale, Happily Ever After is just a fairy tale.

V2
Her tears flow freely as she’s trying to let go.
All her castles washed away, not the ending she had planned. 
Its lawyers and judges, contempt and child support.
Truth is stranger than fiction in never-never land.

Life Dances

Yes, life dances. I was sitting in my favorite chair the other morning and I looked outside the window.  I have been trying to start my day with listening to God instead of jumping on my electronic devices.  Know what I mean?  It was a windy morning and I saw the tree moving in the breeze.  I just watched it – dancing.  It was then that the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart:

“Life dances – it does not stand still, it changes, it moves, just like the wind.”

Thank was such a comfort to me as things are changing here. Seasons are changing. And I have to stop standing still and get moving!  Sometimes just because something is familiar, we stay. But God showed me that life doesn’t stand still. It is ok to move. It is ok to let go of the old and follow Him.  I think He knows where He is going!  He promised to lead us – that means we get to follow and move!

 

QUOTES ABOUT DANCING

“You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching,
Love like you’ll never be hurt,
Sing like there’s nobody listening,
And live like it’s heaven on earth.”
― William W. Purkey

 

“Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.”
― George Carlin
Every day brings a chance for you to draw in a breath, kick off your shoes, and dance.”
― Oprah Winfrey
“Dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire.”
― Robert Frost
“Live your truth. Express your love. Share your enthusiasm. Take action towards your dreams. Walk your talk. Dance and sing to your music. Embrace your blessings. Make today worth remembering.”
― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience
“We should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche
“Dance is the hidden language of the soul”
― Martha Graham
“To be creative means to be in love with life. You can be creative only if you love life enough that you want to enhance its beauty, you want to bring a little more music to it, a little more poetry to it, a little more dance to it.”
― Osho

Franz von Stuck Ringelreihen

Franz von Stuck Ringelreihen (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Life dances – are you ready to dance?

I took this video on our land here in WI.

What about you?

Have you been standing still?

Does God want to bring you into a new land?

Leave me a comment.

And lets dance!

Thankful

Thankful. Yep. It is a choice. Especially when the enemy continues to steal. And kill. And destroy. One of the things I have learned on my journey is that:

 

 

I can focus on what the enemy has stolen
OR
I can focus on what God has restored.

The choice is mine. But whatever I look at will be magnified.

If I look at the bad, I will see more bad, and eventually be consumed by it.

If I look at the good, I will see more good, and eventually be consumed by that.

Good things

It has not been an easy few days here. As many of you know I am a musician. I made a YouTube video and long story short, I found out someone had stolen one of my instrumental songs and put it on iTunes, Amazon, and CDBaby with worldwide distribution.

Yes, I am angry. Yes, it was wrong. Yes, it was theft. But I have to make a choice. Will I let this theft consume me? NO! What they meant for evil God will use for good – He promised!  Today I choose to be thankful, thank you Jesus!

 

Philippians 4

image source: http://favored1-dailyfavor.blogspot.com and Pinterest

You Are Treasured

Sometimes I can’t look in the mirror – it just isn’t me. That is not what I look like.  When God gives you His Spirit you see things differently. You are not what you see in the mirror. The body we have is only a tent. God is a Spirit, and you start to see in the Spirit.  When you see yourself in the spirt – you are young. There are no glasses, no fat rolls, no limps, no wrinkles,  and no age.!  As as it is in Heaven, let it be on Earth. No sickness, no glasses, no age – we are all young! Hallelujah!

Only Just Begun

 

Then those who feared the Lord talked often one to another; and the Lord listened and heard it, and a book of remembrance was written before Him of those who reverenced and worshipfully feared the Lord and who thought on His name.
And they shall be Mine, says the Lord of hosts, in that day when I publicly recognize and openly declare them to be My jewels (My special possession, My peculiar treasure). And I will spare them, as a man spares his own son who serves him.(Malachi 3:16-17 AMP)

 

 

 

 

Psalm 103

For you are a holy people [set apart] to the Lord your God; and the Lord has chosen you to be a peculiar people to Himself, above all the nations on the earth. (Deuteronomy 14:2 AMP)

 

And the Lord has declared this day that you are His peculiar people as He promised you, and you are to keep all His commandments; ( Deuteronomy 26:18 AMP)

 

Praise the Lord! For the Lord is good; sing praises to His name, for He is gracious and lovely!
For the Lord has chosen [the descendants of] Jacob for Himself, Israel for His peculiar possession and treasure. For I know that the Lord is great and that our Lord is above all gods. (Psalm 135;3-5 AMP)

 

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a dedicated nation, [God’s] own purchased, special people, that you may set forth the wonderful deeds and display the virtues and perfections of Him Who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light. (1 Peter 2:9)

Amplified Bible (AMP)

Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation

 

 

Hope From Real People

“Hope from real people”. That was one of the searches that led someone to my blog. What makes us real?  I remember the Velveteen Rabbit.

What makes us real?

Is it the “crap” we have been through?

Do trials and tribulations make us real?

The fact that we are still here and among the land of the living – that is a testimony in itself isn’t it?

Seriously. I know there is a God, because I am still among the land of the living!

TEARS MAKE US REAL!

 

Source: http://soulgatherings.wordpress.com/2014/06/25/im-wearing-down-to-the-real/

Source: http://soulgatherings.wordpress.com/2014/06/25/im-wearing-down-to-the-real/

GOD’S WORD FOR YOU:

Psalm 27
[A Psalm] of David.

The Lord is my Light and my Salvation—whom shall I fear or dread? The Lord is the Refuge and Stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?

When the wicked, even my enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell.

Though a host encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, [even then] in this will I be confident.

One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek, inquire for, and [insistently] require: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord [in His presence] all the days of my life, to behold and gaze upon the beauty [the sweet attractiveness and the delightful loveliness] of the Lord and to meditate, consider, and inquire in His temple.

For in the day of trouble He will hide me in His shelter; in the secret place of His tent will He hide me; He will set me high upon a rock.

And now shall my head be lifted up above my enemies round about me; in His tent I will offer sacrifices and shouting of joy; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the Lord.

Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud; have mercy and be gracious to me and answer me!

You have said, Seek My face [inquire for and require My presence as your vital need]. My heart says to You, Your face (Your presence), Lord, will I seek, inquire for, and require [of necessity and on the authority of Your Word].

Hide not Your face from me; turn not Your servant away in anger, You Who have been my help! Cast me not off, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation!

Although my father and my mother have forsaken me, yet the Lord will take me up [adopt me as His child].

Teach me Your way, O Lord, and lead me in a plain and even path because of my enemies [those who lie in wait for me].

Give me not up to the will of my adversaries, for false witnesses have risen up against me; they breathe out cruelty and violence.

[What, what would have become of me] had I not believed that I would see the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living!

Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord. (Psalm 27:1-14 AMP)

 

MY PRAYER FOR YOU:

Dear Lord,

We put down our “masks”. We want to be “real” with You and with our brothers and sisters. Enough of the charades. Enough of the play. We all have good things and bad things about us. But with Your love and strength we have made it. Our tears make us REAL! Let us love each other with grace and mercy and help each other along this journey called life, in Jesus Name.

 

Source: Pinterest

Source: Pinterest

Princess Warriors

PRINCESS WARRIORS

prayer warriors

Copyright 2014 Diana Rasmussen

Princess Warriors

Empowered by God

Full of

the Holy Spirit

Destroying

Dissolving

Loosing

the works of

the Enemy

to bring

Father God

GLORY!

1em;”>Related articles

Stop Weeding the Thistles

Stop weeding the thistles? Really?  I had this illustrated to me just this week. Guess I needed to hear it twice in order to sink in lol!

MY LESSON IN THISTLES #1

This is a picture of our garden – well, what was supposed to be our garden. This year ‘life’ happened and we never got a chance to plant it. Oh well. Life is good. So we are giving the land a rest I guess.

For Mother’s Day my two youngest gave me a lavender plant. I would love to raise lavender and plant a whole field of it. So I went to the library and did some research. It does grow here in WI, but it is kind of picky about soil. Anyway, about a month ago I took the small potted plant and put it up in the garden area. I thought hey, it will sink or swim, right? I didn’t go check it. I didn’t even go water it. God – if you want it to grow, it will grow. I left it alone for about a month, well ok, two.

Two days ago I went to see if it made it or not. I really wasn’t expecting it to grow. After all, I didn’t do anything to help it. Can you imagine my surprise when I saw this?

 


Dont pull the thistles

Not only had it grown it had tripled in size! Despite all the thistles growing around it. Despite all my lack of attention – it still grew! I guess God really does know how to make things grow – even when I don’t cooperate!

 

MY LESSON IN THISTLES #2

We have these hostas that we got from my mother-in-law about 8 years ago. When I first got married, we planted JAM Buildingsome at our church, then it was Summit Baptist. Bob and I got married at that church a while back too. We fed and watered them while we went there. Long story short, the Pastor left to go to another church in TX, and the church closed. It was vacant for 3 years. Bob and I moved to another town, and hooked up with some old friends and started with JAM (Janesville Apostolic Ministries) about a year ago. Another long story, short – JAM bought the old Summit Baptist Building. Yeah – really!

And guess what – the hostas were still there. Again, they have been ignored for at least 3 years. They were very overgrown with weeds so the boys thought they would kill the weeds. They bought the spray stuff and sprayed around the hostas. Some of the weed killer leeched in the soil and some of the good hostas died. And many were damaged.  All because we were trying to kill the weeds.  Overkill the weeds and the good ones get hurt too.

I wonder how that applies to us and our church family? Hmmmm…I remember a good book and a great story…

Hostas

 

He told another story. “God’s kingdom is like a farmer who planted good seed in his field. That night, while his hired men were asleep, his enemy sowed thistles all through the wheat and slipped away before dawn. When the first green shoots appeared and the grain began to form, the thistles showed up, too.

“The farmhands came to the farmer and said, ‘Master, that was clean seed you planted, wasn’t it? Where did these thistles come from?’

“He answered, ‘Some enemy did this.’

“The farmhands asked, ‘Should we weed out the thistles?’

“He said, ‘No, if you weed the thistles, you’ll pull up the wheat, too. Let them grow together until harvest time. Then I’ll instruct the harvesters to pull up the thistles and tie them in bundles for the fire, then gather the wheat and put it in the barn.’”  (Matthew 13: 24-30 MSG)

MY LESSON LEARNED:

Stop weeding the Thistles Diana.

Stop worrying about all the people in your life that are bristly and not doing what they should be doing.

God has this under control.

It is His garden girl.

He is the Master Gardener.

Jesus is the vine.

God gets to weed His own garden.

It is not my job to weed them out.

Trust God and focus on the lavender – it will bloom, and you will get 30,60, 100 times over in the harvest.

Thank you Jesus!

lavendar

Skip Rocks

Skip Rocks. Have you ever done that? What a great way to relax and reflect.  Funny the things we remember from growing up.  I used to do this as a kid at our old farmhouse. Here is a new song I am working on. Old Farm

 

Skip Rocks

Copyright 2014 Diana Rasmussen

When she 12 he walked her home
Her first kiss was at her street’s dead end
the next day he said he had a new friend
Trampled underfoot like cobblestone

When she was 16 she went to the prom
Flowers in her hair and blue satin gown
Limousine, dinner, out on the town
Sparkling gemstone in a masterpiece

She took off her shoes, walked in the grass
Picked up stones along the way
Black was for fear, gray was for tears
She went down to the creek – to skip rocks

When she was 22 she finished college
Money and cars and a new boyfriend
got busy with beer, a brand new career
tied the knot, but she missed her old spot

When she was 30 she had her first child
beautiful daughter, hair and eyes of brown
Skyscrapers and concrete all around
Suburban life of a city wife

She took off her shoes, walked in the grass
Picked up stones along the way
Black was for fear, gray was for tears
She went down to the creek – to skip rocks

When she was 40 her parents passed away
died in their sleep, went to Heaven that day
She took her daughter back to the farm
They went down to the creek – to skip rocks

They took off her shoes, walked in the grass
Picked up stones along the way
Black was for fear, gray was for tears
They went down to the creek – to skip rocks

Another New Car?

Another new car? Seriously? The ex pulls in the driveway with yet another car. That’s the third one I’ve seen in the last few weeks. Yes, he is in trouble with the law – again. And yet I am court ordered to let him see our two kids. Sometimes he shows up. Sometimes he cancels. And here is mom, the master Piece Picker-upper. Yeah. You know how that goes. He promises one thing. Then cancels. And we moms get to pick up the pieces. All while keeping our mouths shut, because in the kids eyes – he is the Hero. Doesn’t make sense at all does it? Yeah, making $24/hour for almost  year and still not paying any child support. Moving on

I have to believe in God and that He will make things right. Otherwise I would be back in the ‘I love me jacket’ and living in the ‘rubber room’ again. That wasn’t fun.  Well, good meds – I’ll give them that.  But skip the Seroquel – it makes me drool!  Oh the things you learn along the way on this journey. Laugh or cry – seriously.

So I sit. And I wait. And I make the choice to choose to believe that God really does know the ‘bigger picture’ and I may not. My parents divorced. I know what it is like – to love them both in different places. To be caught in the middle. (see Second Fiddle)

I am in a much better place. God rewrote my story…and I am grateful. I know love today. God restored my soul!

In My Weakness I Pray

In my weakness I pray.  Can I tell you I feel like a wave sometimes – up and down, up and down. Like many of you, I have lots of trials and tribulations going on. Seroiusly.  I have to believe in a big God – because I have big stuff! But it’s not about me is it? It is not about the pray-er. Yeah.

pray-er = prayer

I don’t always feel like praying.  Really.  Sometimes I am so mad I don’t even want to talk. Sometimes I am so weary I just want to run and hide. But even that doesn’t matter.

Source: tumblr_mp8b3wpbeM1qaana2o1_500

Source: tumblr_mp8b3wpbeM1qaana2o1_500

Because prayer is not about my strength. It’s about my weakness. 

I am asking God for help. I am admitting I don’t know what to do next. So guess what – with all these life things going on at the moment – I pray ALOT!  And it is THEN that He covers me with His power to get through whatever I am facing.

Weakness + Prayer = GOD’S POWER!

  • What if our efforts didn’t matter, but His did?
  • What if our prayers didn’t depend on how much, how often, what words we use, whether we speak in tongues or talk in English, French, Spanish, or whatever?
  • What if all we had to do was groan – grunt – cry. And He would hear it, and meet us there.
  • What if It’s about making a connection to WHO we pray to?

 

Source: ajoyousrejoicing.wordpress.com

Source: ajoyousrejoicing.wordpress.com

We Are All Just Potato Chips

My husband Bob shared with me an amazing analogy the other day.  We were talking about why there are so many denominations.  And so many different kinds of worship.  I thought about music, and how some days I listen to country, some days Christian, some days oldies, some days jazz, etc. But they are all music.  But God gave Bob a greater revelation that helped me immensely, and I wanted to share it with you today.

potato chips

We are all just potato chips. 

Yep, potatoe chips. Some of us are plain, some have ridges, some are BBQ, some are salt and vinegar, etc. We may have different flavorings or look differently. We might have ridges, we might not. Some may be Lays or Pringles or Cape Cod – but we are all from the same potato.

And you don’t see the plain chips fighting with the BBQ do you?  The Salt and Vinegar chips don’t clobber the Dill Pickle chips when we turn our heads right? And hey, those Pringles, well they’re aren’t ‘real’ potato chips right? I can hear it now – the gossip in the potato chip aisle…

“They don’t look like us.”

“They are all cut up.”

“And they are all stacked together like that, That can’t be right.”

“They aren’t a real chip – they don’t have what we have.”

“Who let them in?”

“They aren’t even in a bag, I mean really!”

“Who said they could be here?”

“You can’t put that seasoning stuff on, you are supposed to be plain.”

“Do you see those ridges?”

 

See what I mean?  But they are all potato chips. They all came from a potato.

One body – many parts. We may be Catholic, Methodist, Apostolic, Lutheran, whatever – but God made us all.  Some sing hymns, some contemporary, some read NIV,  some read King James.  But we are all His kids.  He is the Father. He gets to decide who and what and where and how. I don’t give my kids the exact same gift every year.  Maybe God likes flavors – idk. I do know I don’t like it when my kids criticize each other, beat each other up, say mean things about others, etc.  I want my kids to get along and help each other – despite all the differences they have.

We all have different gifts – and that’s ok.  I’m just happy to be on God’s shelf!

Now there are distinctive varieties and distributions of endowments (gifts, extraordinary powers distinguishing certain Christians, due to the power of divine grace operating in their souls by the Holy Spirit) and they vary, but the [Holy] Spirit remains the same.
And there are distinctive varieties of service and ministration, but it is the same Lord [Who is served].
And there are distinctive varieties of operation [of working to accomplish things], but it is the same God Who inspires and energizes them all in all. (1 Corinthians 2:4-6 AMP)

 

Life by the Spirit

You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. (Galatians 5:13-15 NIV)

So my question is – how long will the body keep destroying itself by finding fault with each other?  Sounds like a really bad auto-immune disease where your own body destroys itself. Why is it people think that the only people that will be in Heaven will be the ones going to their church?  I am glad we don’t get to play Savior.  I’m glad Jesus gets to judge – not us.

And thanks to Pastor Jeff too, for reminding us today that we are all members of HIS body, He is God and we are servants, and nobody gets to ‘take over’ anybody.

 

 

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